America can be such a sad place for so many



Most Americans have barely any insight into immigration law and its intricacies; the rigidity of certain regulations that serve only to create extraordinary hardship – and the saddest victims are most often our American children – the very souls who we purport to protect through our laws and our Courts.   

  Much of the anti-gay marriage rhetoric has been guised in fallacious moronic (Mormonic..mmm) talking points, where the proponents insist that gay couples do not need marriage to be equal.  This in itself denotes an argument in favor of ‘special rights’ (such as UAFA) and yet the same groups oppose ‘special rights for gays,’ the latter, their coinage!  This paradox attempts to negate the de facto existence of gay relationships, regardless of marriage.  However gay relationships will always be and hence the de jure must follow.  Immigration law must change. Congress must wake up to the reality; it must acknowledge the de facto existence of these emotionally legitimate families, and that we are Americans,  for as long as it does not, American citizens and their families are being discriminated against, whichever way the opponents try to spin it.  Now is the time for every American to stand up against discrimination and suffering.  It is so important to spread these stories to the eyes and ears of those who have no clue. This is not about marriage – of course we want the right to marry and of course we want DOMA to disappear, its about one particular right that bi-national gay families do not have and that is the right of one person in love to petition for the person he/she loves to reside in his/her home country.

These stories, though briefly told reveal a measure of the hardship:- I just received a link from a new friend visiting from Netherlands.  We have never met face to face but will on Monday. My new friend is American but has been forced to leave her home because she cannot sponsor her same-sex spouse to live with her in the USA.  This is archaic.  So many countries regard this as a fundamental abuse of civil rights; personally I regard it as an abhorrent violation of basic human rights.

This is not the first taste of the sordid invalidation by my own Country. My spouse and I have suffered our own immigration hell, and thankfully with the help of an extraordinary attorney, Kip Steinberg, were able to navigate the deep tempestuous sea of immigration laws and regulations; with mere hours from the sun-setting of a law that we had relied on for 5 years to get to the point of completion. With the assistance by our Senator’s office we were able to expedite the application before the law disappeared over its seductive horizon.

Now we must all fight for the others… those who are living the hell and there are many. This month I have encountered two terrible cases- similar to the one in the Article.

In each case the same sex spouse of a US citizen was taken into custody by ICE, for deportation – treated so badly- and their lives altered forever.    My friend, a Psychiatrist who was the regional head for the California Penal system, committed suicide- could there be any relationship between that and the fact that deportation of his beloved was imminent?

 This week an associate asked for my help with a two mom family- 23 years living together- twin sons, aged 12, born through donor sperm, egg of one mom invitro and carried by the other mom who is now about to be deported – next week.     

  The family is in agony – they do not know what is going to happen – one son wrote to Senators Boxer and Feinstein stating that he cannot live without his mom.  I have not told it all, and it is bad, very bad,  If the mother returns to her country of origin, she fears the same fate as her mother and sister, brutally murdered some years ago.  This story will be highlighted in the next few weeks, but I cannot now, do to sensitive timing.

Here is a mother of two American children and the California spouse of an American citizen, who is about to be deported because there is no Federal law to protect this family of 23 years.  Unlike couples whose marriages are recognized by the Federal law, gay couples are excluded because of DOMA – and UAFA (Uniting American Families Act) is barely hobbling through congress.

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4 Comments on “America can be such a sad place for so many”

  1. Darren March 22, 2009 at 10:07 AM #

    A moving story what can we do to help these poor people how can this change is it only through the UAFA act?

  2. equalitynow March 24, 2009 at 7:15 AM #

    Around the world, activists are stepping up to demand passage of UAFA. Join a growing cadre of fair-minded people, from Australia to Alaska to demand equal immigration rights for same-sex couples. Anything less is un-American. We will pass the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA), but together we will pass it sooner. What can you do to help pass UAFA sooner?

  3. Sam March 24, 2009 at 10:32 AM #

    You can get your Congressional representatives to support the Uniting American Families Act.

    Tell them about these families and that the power lies in their hands. Ask them why they ran for office, if not to make a difference. They should not be like Pontius Pilate.

  4. oblogdeeoblogda March 24, 2009 at 10:48 AM #

    Thanks for visiting the site and commenting – please visit again. Contacting congressional reps is imperative and the purpose of my articles on the subject is to bring the hardship to a wider and mostly uninformed audience. Hopefully all reading will bring it to their reps attention and advocate for our children.

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